A meditative journey

Patricia Walden, a senior Iyengar teacher, and Timothy McCall, M.D., author of the book Yoga as Medicine, prescribe Patanjali's kriya yoga as another way to bolster your awareness. Kriya yoga centers around three practices, tapas (discipline), svadhyaya (self-study), and ishvara pranidhana (devotion), which are designed to develop new, healthier samskaras (subliminal activators), "the indelible imprints left behind by our daily experiences"—good or bad, conscious or unconscious—that dictate our behavioral patterns.

I struggle most with the first kriya, tapas, which means heat and is often interpreted as discipline. I would much rather sit in the sun all day than doing, well, pretty much anything.

But by now I know that I have to move my body consistently in order to feel good. And I always notice a shift in my mood once I have been exercising awhile. Sometimes it takes 10 minutes, sometimes it takes 40, but it always makes me feel better. I am happier for all of the physiological reasons that any kind of movement provides—increased endorphins, changes in stress hormones, improved respiration—but I also feel better because I feel more in control of my health. Being disciplined gives me the confidence that I can do something productive to make myself healthier. But do not mistake discipline for ambition. “Discipline is not about achieving a 10-minute Headstand. It's about consistency."

With the second, svadhyaya, Patanjali encouraged practitioners to study his text, the Yoga Sutra as a means for self-discovery. Over the years, become attached to one sutra in particular, "When harassed by doubt, cultivate the opposite mental attitude." (Sutra II.33, translation Bouanchaud)

On any given day I still notice moments in which I can easily get swept away by negative, if not catastrophic thoughts. I can effortlessly spin into a headspace where I imagine that if I am not like someone, I will surely die alone, unloved, and in a gutter somewhere. Learning how to recognize those moments and counter each negative thought with a positive one is liberating. It is also vital to my mental health. I now catch myself earlier, and can even laugh at my habitual thought patterns, which contributes to less anxiety in my everyday existence.

McCall suggests that self-study can also mean asking yourself the hard questions in order to get to the root of what is distressing you. "It's important to ask yourself, 'Is there a lesson for me in feeling depressed? Is there something I'm ignoring that I need to change in my life? My job? My relationship?" It can be scary to ask questions like these.

A traditional definition of the last kriya, ishvara pranidhana is "to surrender all thoughts, words, and actions to the supreme teacher." I was reminded of this kriya one day when, after reading every yoga and self-help book I could find, I still felt miserable. One acharya suggested that I "just give it up to God by watching my breath." What if I just surrendered for a little while and let the universe take care of things? It is exhausting, the constant battle to feel better and do better and to figure things out. But, if you allow yourself to believe that some other force is taking care of things, you can stop fighting and allow your life to unfold. McCall agrees, "I like to think of ishvara pranidhana as giving up the illusion that I'm in control all the time. Then I can go with the river of life."

According to Yogananda, the ancient Yogic text the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali contains a description of Kriya Yoga in the second chapter II.49. "Liberation can be attained by that pranayama which is accomplished by disjoining the course of inspiration and expiration.

"It's about the game of awakening, about the coming into Spirit." Ram Dass's formulation, an injunction: "Do your work...but without attachment." Besides giving up your attachment to the fruits of your labors, he said, you must also act "without thinking of yourself as being the actor."

Life can be a perpetual search for happiness in its myriad forms—pleasure, security, success, contentment, joy. Ever notice that we look for it and find it, only to lose it again? Or want more from wherever it seemed to come from?

At some point, we begin to ask: What is this deep desire for happiness? Is there a way to satisfy it once and for all? What do I really want? Can I find freedom from sorrow? Is that even possible? When these questions arise, the journey of spiritual awakening begins.

Here are the steps and actions we take that contribute to the realization of Oneness.

· We meditate and experience our essence of being.

· We contemplate and inquire into the nature of Reality.

· We reflect on how to live with wisdom and compassion.

· We explore, engage in spiritual practices, and discover what works for us.

We become willing to let go of the false assumption of an ego-based identity that sees itself as separate from the rest of life. We step into the greater Life, knowing ourselves as divine expressions of the one Reality. “The ego is committed to unhappiness.” The ego typically has a complaint and looks for something wrong or something missing. “What is actually missing is our connection to the true Self.” Wholeness and unconditional happiness are inherent to the soul, not the ego. We have to ask ourselves what we are committed to, “Happiness or unhappiness?” This simple question reveals the locus of your attention – whether it is currently in the ego or in the soul.

“The teaching doesn’t say you have to be happy. That is a side effect. The teaching says learn how to be content. We can learn how to be anchored in the fullness of the divine Self and be content. Once we learn that, we can experience supreme happiness, which is unconditional. It does not depend on other people or circumstances. It arises from the nature of our own being.”

I was drawn to the idea that our spiritual practice is not something to take us out of the world, but rather something that helps us become more effective at living our lives in a higher way. It means “living with higher purpose.” It is learning to live our life in harmony with the Infinite. The benefit of this is that we come to live in a very different way—one in which life is seen as holy and sacred. It is not just an idea that we are living in the aliveness of God and in a cooperative relationship with the Infinite; it’s the reality of our life.

How much time in any given day do we spend thinking about what we want or need? Without spiritual realization, we can get caught up in ego’s error-driven ideas. The perspective of the ego says that in order to be fulfilled, we must have, or accomplish, some specific thing. Spiritual realization says the opposite: first experience and know your own wholeness, then freely participate in doing what you do and having what you will have. But know this: none of that defines you. You are already whole and complete. With Self-realization, we still engage in helpful activities that improve our skills or our situation in life. We just do not mistake what we have or do with what we are.

"You know that the quality of your days far outweighs the quantity, so why allow anything that deviates from love to enter into your consciousness? Mind your mind, keeping it engaged with only that which nurtures the best of who you are, and turn away from all else."